Communication is an EXCHANGE of words, gestures, facial expressions and body language. A man communicates better with his words and a woman communicates better with her body. If you think about it, this makes sense because men respond to what they see and women respond to what they hear. So a man’s greatest tool are his words and a woman’s greatest tool is her body (body language).
Some men hiss, call out at women and make vulgar remarks just to let the woman know that she is being checked out. They use their words but in the wrong way. Truth be told, a woman may like the man from afar at first but when he does this rude display to get her attention she loses interest fast. The open body language which the man should have picked up on soon becomes closed. To sum it up real quick, open body language is like when someone is spreading their arms to hug and closed body language is like when someone is folding their arms. Open body language is an invite, closed body language tells you to back off. The most skillful men could use their words effectively to cause a woman’s closed body language to be an open one.
When a man does this rude display for her attention, he automatically separates himself from the men who have game to those who doesn’t (isn’t communication great). On the other hand a man will meet women whose body language are open but as soon as he approaches her, she quickly becomes closed. When the man goes away her body language becomes open again. Such women are labelled “cock-teasers”, what they do is not a test but a game. They to are considered rude.
In order to fix these problems both men and women have to communicate to each other with RESPECT. Respect is the opposite of being rude. Respect is the key to all forms of communication. If respect is given it is given back (if it isn’t then you know the person is rude by nature). This principle works with all other characteristics in a relationship (trust, loyalty, Love and so on).
When a man sees a woman he likes, two things runs through his mind, 1) How do I approach her? and 2) Will she like me? A man will psyche himself up to try to generate confidence and courage so that he can approach her. He may feel the nerves, go through the what ifs, wonder what would be best thing to say (he wants to say something so special and so magical that she has to accept him) and he will even wonder why he is putting himself through the whole situation. The man does too much thinking, till he overthinks and then backs down. Opportunity lost.
Let’s assess each question:
HOW DO I APPROACH HER?
Before a man approaches he tries to pysche himself up because he fears doing or saying anything to lose the woman. A man is not really afraid of approaching but he’s real fear is losing the woman. That is the real reason as to why he will forget approaching her. By not approaching he will always maintain that chance to approach because if he approaches and gets ‘rejected’ there is no longer a chance but a verdict.
Okay, here is what all men need to realise before they approach. That is THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS REJECTIONS JUST FEEDBACKS. There are two things that a man needs to say to himself before approaching, 1) “I am going to approach this woman to exchange words with her and get feedback from her.” 2)” I will not give myself feedbacks for her, she will have to do it for herself.”
These sort of affirmations defeat the fear of losing because really and truly a woman just like parents, doctors, mentors and teachers give feedbacks. If there is such a thing as rejection, I doubt that a person would never want to communicate with their parents again all because they said no. People would not need a second opinion from another doctor in fear of being ‘rejected’ again and nobody would ever attend classes all because of the F grade that they got for not putting effort into the work. Everything is about FEEDBACKS not rejection. It is the system that has labelled it rejection in terms of men and women interaction.
Rejection refers more to things than people.For example you can reject having an injection, going to school, staying inside but you can get feedbacks from doctors about the injection and feedbacks from parents as to why it is a good thing to go to school and stay indoors.
A man may LEAD the approach but the whole approach is a two way process. People think it is a one sided thing all because the man approaches. No this is so not true. The approach scenario is an exchange. The man INITIATES and the woman gives FEEDBACK, then with the feedback that the man receives, he gives he’s feedback. In giving back his feedback the man should be tactful but regardless of the feedbacks they are now caught up in communication.
Some women will be rude with their feedbacks but it is a feedback nonetheless. A man should maintain his cool (his leadership) about the whole transaction. Through his coolness and tact, a woman may apologise but no matter what, through his coolness he will always pass her test.
So the man goes off to get his feedback but the big aim is to get the feedback that he can work with. So now it is time to use his words. The most important things about the wordings are not the sentences or even the words themselves but it is all about STATEMENTS.
There are three types of statements, 1) The ‘WE’ statements, 2) The ‘YOU’ statements and 3) The ‘I’ statements.
We statements are sentences or words that allows a woman to think about togetherness and how it would feel coming together. The woman sees the man and her doing things together and just having a good time.
1)WE should get together one of these days to continue this vibe and flow……
2)WE should see where this leads, don’t worry i’ll be leading….lol
3)WE deserve to see just how well we vibe in a different environment….
4)LETS get together some time and just entertain each other from boredom…..lol
5)LETS say we were vibing, what would your personality be like?
and so on….[The word LETS also requires the thoughts of two, therefore it potrays a ‘we’ statement].
You statements merely shows that a man is not self centered. It also makes a woman appear to have thought of the idea that he projects to her. She will feel smart and like you for seeing just how intelligent she is. ‘You’ statements combined with ‘I’ statements can make ‘we’ statements. A man has to remember that they are still strangers at the approaching stages. Using ‘we’ and ‘you’ statements will get her in a comfort zone more quickly.
1)YOU know that I had to come over to see what your personality is like…Let’s get this over and done with but first YOU know we got to exchange names….lol
2)YOU seem like an interesting person…
3)YOU know that we have being vibing and flowing so well we should get together.
4)From afar YOU seem like an interesting person so YOU know that I had to come over.
5)YOU should meet me somewhere we can both get to know each other….This vibe we got right now has to continue…lol
I statements seem like a man is self centered. Nobody gives a damn what you want till you show how much you care. So the ‘I’ statements can work against a man. ‘I’ statements should be combined with ‘we’ or ‘you’ statements to be more effective.
1)I came over to meet you because you look good.
2)I saw that you had this jacket so I was wondering where you got it from.
3)I came over to find out your name.
4)I was wondering if you have a boyfriend.
5)I wanted to come over and say hi.
[Note that this may get some women intrigued but it is not really effective].
Combining these ‘I’ statements with ‘we’ and ‘you’ statements would make it effective.
1)YOU know YOU are looking good today so don’t be suprised about me initiating this introduction.
2)Hey Afternoon, give me a moment of your time, for US(another ‘we’ word) to discuss where YOU got that jacket from.
3)YOU know that I got to find out your name. WE should exchange a few words after that.I figured that YOU know that to…..lol
4)Hey Afternoon, TELL me what your man thinks about women in relationships going to parties. (If she has a man she will tell you what he thinks, if she doesn’t she will say so-This is a tactful approach to find out whether she is single or not).
5)YOU know that I had to come over so that WE can say hi to each other…..lol.
[Note that the word ‘TELL’ is like a ‘YOU’ statement].
In each statements there isn’t an ounce of disrespect. A man should approach with respect and humour and a woman should deal with the situation with respect and a sense of humour. It is an exchange.
WILL SHE LIKE ME?
The approach is a two sided thing. A man is approaching to find out whether he likes how the woman communicates and also to get feedback from her. A woman is waiting to test the man and give him feedback.
The question shouldn’t be “will she like me?” but it should be “can she vibe and flow?” (can she communicate?). A man’s confidence and courage is seen when he takes the steps to approach. How he leads the conversation, deals with feedbacks and influences the woman to vibe and flow will put her in a comfort zone straight away. Even if the woman doesn’t see the man in a liking mood she will want to keep him as a ‘platonic friend’ because he proves himself as a leader. Through platonic friendship she may end up liking him because of her emotions which the man can trigger off through communication as a ‘platonic friend’. The man’s fear of losing diminishes.