Monthly Archives: January 2011

A moment with Kevin Ferere

Kevin Ferere


BOTG: What do you think of the feminist movement?

KF: It was a movement that meant well for it’s era and simply got out of hand; because it fed into the selfish side of our human nature. Power can never be trusted.

BOTG: What do you think of the interaction of men and women today?

KF: It has become more of a sublime, psychological combat zone simply because people don’t know what it is to be honest with themselves and their thoughts and emotions. However, we are in the birthpains of an enlightened era where more people are being educated about each other. Which will inevitably pay dividends as we reach a plateau of cordiality with time.

BOTG: Tell us about your book ‘Leave the Fairy Tale Up To Disney; The Reality Of Dating.’

Leave the Fairy Tale Up To Disney; The Reality of Dating


KF: It was a “vomiting” of thoughts festering in the back of my mind since I was old enough to date. I’ve sat back and watched too many people practically ruin their lives simply because of a relationship. No one was telling these people the things I had to tell them, and if they were telling them anything, it was sugarcoated and dumbed down.

BOTG: What influenced you to write this book? Continue reading


Reminder, get with a woman who contributes

It doesn’t matter how a woman is built, if she is not adding or multiplying value in your life and giving you nothing but dramas without communication or the willingness to grow and connect with you on a deeper level to establish the relationship as two halves coming together to make a whole; instead of a play on ‘dominance’ and control, the maths is simple, subtract her! A woman who wants to be praised because she thinks that she is so beautiful and thinks she can get anything she wants from a man at a click of a finger, is a woman with no class and one who is seriously self-centered.

A lot of us are drawn to a woman by looks and some of us that do get with a beautiful woman soon realize how lazy most of these women are. Most distinct featured women think all they have to do is look pretty and life with a man will be smooth sailing. They will demand a lot but will make no effort, investment and contribution to the development of themselves let alone the development of their relationship. Yet this cycle continues been that most men are suckas to a woman who they think looks good.

Most men have forgotten that to effectively give respect to a woman and everybody else, there has to be SELF-respect first. For how can you share what you don’t have? Self respect allows a man to be cool, calm and collected and enables the man to be sucka-free. He will have too much respect and loyalty for himself to dishonor himself. Lames and Bubbleheads have definitely forgotten (or haven’t been taught) that a relationship is a ship that has to be guided and looked after by BOTH partners. Both partners have to RELATE and contribute to the navigation of the ship. A relationship is not woman praising, buyng or begging affection and definitely not about the feelings and illusions of having a trophy wife. Two come together as one and flow as one. A self centered woman will never get this. Her self respect is replaced with vanity.

Every man knows that when a woman offers and does things for a man, it makes a man want to show his appreciation. At times it makes a man compromise and overlook lavishing her and giving her gifts. From her actions and reactions she will have shown that it is well deserved.

A woman with class, finese, humour, care, understanding and overstanding of fairness and contribution is one who can influence a man to a king. Such a woman may look good and not care about it. She has put self respect above the competition of other women and the lessons and ‘advice’ on how to manipulate a man. A lazy, non cooperative woman will sink the ship! Assess well!

A Feminine Touch: Sylvia V Hillman

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About the Author

Sylvia V. Hillman was born in Phoenix, Arizona to a large and tumultuous family of stepparents and siblings. Her mother’s marriage to the local mortician quickly moved the family from the abject poverty of the local housing project into a nice middle class home whose façade was more promising than the dynamics within. The oldest of 5 children, she took on the responsibilities of parenting her younger siblings and sacrificed much of her own childhood caring for them and helping out in the family’s mortuary business.

The only thing more formidable than Sylvia’s orthodox upbringing was her wild imagination. She used it as a way to escape the harsh realities of daily life and would delight or frighten her sisters with tales of favored toys coming to life, or of prince charmings rescuing fair maidens. The hard, cold lessons of youth, unusual anecdotes about the family business, and her musings on ordinary adolescent rites of passage found their way into the poems and fiction she began seriously crafting in her twenties.

A truly gifted writer, Ms. Hillman’s stories takes an unflinching yet humane look at the places and people who have populated her life. She is less interested in a textbook retelling of events than she is in communicating to her readers the complexities of a life on the edge of tragedy, triumph and truth. In 2006, the Twin Cities Film Festival honored her for her short film, “Near Mrs.” which was also aired on Black Entertainment Television the following year. 55 Navy is Ms. Hillman’s first published novel. She is the mother of two beautiful daughters and now resides in Los Angeles, CA.

BOTG: What do you think of the feminist movement?

SVH: Hmmm good question. I don’t really think of it. And that’s the honest answer. Like every civil rights movement, they start out with the purest intentions and I thank God and the people that started the movements for that – yet what happens is somewhere along the way “extreme” versions of those movements come along and mess up the balance. To me everything must be balanced.

People are imperfect and so they start up sects of movements under the same umbrella of said movement therefore making it hard to put a finger on what some might think of that movement. But over all it was the start and continuance of equality or balance between and among the sexes. Some things I don’t agree with though… i.e. I don’t like the thought of women fighting in the military. I think that God made men naturally protective of women and if a woman is taken as a P.O.W. the mere thought of that could mess with a male soldiers mind as far as giving up or giving in.

The good part about any movement like the feminist or the civil rights movement is that it takes on different forms in the future for instance Prop 8 is against equal rights for gays in marriage and benefits and such. Movements and revolutions have their place as long as they stay balanced.

BOTG: What do you think of the interaction between men and women today?

SVH: Again that varies. I mean in general its okay. Like for instance; I have a friend Janks Morton Jr. Look him up at whatblackmenthink and his perspective on this topic could pretty much sum up what I think… which is; Women have been forced to wear the pants in the family at times which means Women are raising boys to be men and although a boy needs his mother; only a Man can raise a boy to be a man.

We live in a generation of Men that were raised by single mothers and so they have a certain view of women that is distorted. They don’t mean to do it but they are either looking for women to be that “everything” or they can’t stand us because they grew up with a mom that was bashing their father for not being there and so they in turn hate themselves and hate the woman that gave them nothing to love about themselves.

This question is loaded for me – I could go on for hours on this topic. Yet I will say that I have met men that were raised by women like me – who have several brothers and good relationships with men and knew to let their differences with the absent father fall by the wayside to let that man into his son’s life and show him the way. Those men grow up to have a more balanced view of women and therefore foster healthy friendships and relationships with women. Now the single woman raising daughters; whoa!

My opinion again varies because you have these women that are trying to be all things to all men whoring themselves out – being gold-diggers and groupies in front of their baby girls so these girls grow up to put heavy demands on men that they can’t live up to but are willing to fake it to get coochie. Then there are (thank goodness) women that are balanced and support our men our brothers because they were raised to respect themselves and others.

BOTG: Tell us about your book ’55 Navy’.

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SVH: 55 Navy is a story loosely based on me and my daughter’s father journey as teen lovers then teen parents and then adults. It’s a love and life story that follows two teenagers who find pure love and don’t know what to do with it. Imagine having 1 million dollars at 14 years old. Now imagine having 1 million dollars now… as an adult. NOW you know what to do with it right? 55 Navy is about family, friendship, abuse, triumph and redemption; I’ve got so many letters from people across the U.S. and the story means different things to different people.

Believe it or not I thought the story would resonate with women but I’ve got more letters from men about how moved emotionally they were because they either had a Sydney in their life or lost a father or a pet.

BOTG: What does 55 Navy mean? Why did you call the book that?

SVH: 55 Navy is the address of the apartment I lived at in Venice, California. I titled the book that way because it’s where the characters story begins and eventually has to end.

BOTG: What qualities do you think it takes a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman?

SVH: Both men and women should be selfless, loving, kind and caretakers. Men are natural hunters; God made them that way. Women are natural nurturers; God made us that way. Our natural born qualities are made to compliment each other. These qualities aren’t so much men or women qualities as they are Human qualities. If we collectively listen to our inner ear and follow The Universal Life Instruction Book – Women and Men would get along just fine. Continue reading

Walking Down Memory Lane: What Makes A Woman Good In Bed- Iceberg Slim

Iceberg Slim the Lost Interviews

Iceberg Slim aka Robert Beck (he’s Writing name). He was born Robert Lee Maupin (August 4, 1918 – April 28, 1992) and started pimping at 18 years old. He stopped pimping at the age of 42 (did 24 years of pimping) and decided to reform and give up the life of pimping after serving 10 month in prison and feeling like he contributed to the downfall of his people. At a young age Slim was given an IQ test and was classified a genius. His IQ went over 170 (Albert Einstein’s is said to have had 160). He used this genius one time to escape from prison the second time he was locked up. It was this event that extended his last time in prison when they caught up with him. He soon became a writer, writing all his experience as a pimp. Robert became a world seller, especially for two of his books, ‘PIMP’ and ‘TRICKBABY’.

After his death some people compiled books about the type of man he was and his lifestyle. One such person was Ian Whitaker who compiled a book together involving all the interviews and articles he could find on Iceberg Slim.

One of the deepest and most revealing interview, in my opinion was done in 1977 by Wendy Leigh for the book titled ‘What Makes A Woman Good In Bed.’ Wendy Leigh went round asking ‘top womanizers’ of that time this very question. Now note, Iceberg Slim had over 500 women (prostitutes) that he pimped (managed) in his lifetime. So you can conclude that he knew a thing or two about women.

The interview starts with the descript moment of nerves as Wendy Leigh organized the interview to meet him. When she finally met him, it obviously began.

Wendy Leigh
Wendy Leigh. She was 25 years old when she wrote the book What Makes A Woman Good In Bed.

What Makes A Woman Good In Bed Book

pg 93 of Iceberg Slim; The Lost Interviews by Ian Whitaker

Iceberg Slim was a pimp for over five hundred women and is author of the book Pimp and many others. When I phoned, a deep voice said, “Hello this is Iceberg, Iceberg Slim. “My blood curdled and I nearly cancelled the interview except that I didn’t dare. Iceberg greeted me with a handshake outside his house, then took me inside to a decidely domestic tea with his wife and four children.

I could never tell if a woman was going to be good in bed until she performed with me. I’ve known whores who were the ultimate projection of exciting sex, only to discover that they were not in bed, because she might end up not making money, which would lead to the worst possible confrontation: between a pimp and a job.

Pimps are asexual (not having or involving sex). I was in it for the money and not the sex. When you have a stable of twenty girls working for you, you are in trouble if you are into being a superstud. Career pimps, as I was, try to preserve themselves, to conserve their energy. I always appeared very sour, otherwise whores got you in the end.

When a pimp was hooked on a whore, we would say, “He has got that b*tch’s scent up his nose.” The essence of the woman got tied up inside their brains, weakening them.

But whores are better in bed than most women. The sexual peak is prior to the menopause for most women, the golden age for a woman to be good in bed. But age is less marketable than youth. Whores are good for acrobatics and slavish devotion—they make the best mechanics. When I say slavish devotion—a whore won’t really do anything, but she still leaves you with the impression that she has done everything—because whores use their hands, their feet, their voices—they are the like quicksilver.

They needed to be, because my whores worked eighteen hours a day, and had to bring back $100 a day, even in the thirties. I like a woman to come to me bringing a reputation for wicked eroticism. Not that she is a pushover, but that she is always free (unlike a whore) to choose whoever she goes to bed with, and that no one forces her or owns her.

There is a kindof choreography of sex that matters. Some women , after they have had sex with you for about the third time, have the aptitude to mesh with you. Everything is fluid as you move her through the various sexual positions with the pressure of your fingertips, or even the voice. She flows with you.

Erotic taste buds also make a woman good in bed, when a woman knows what you want without being told, almost by witchcraft. Also, power in bed is very important: a crossbow back, lots of strength, so that you know when you have taken her to the peak, it will be drama the moment you push her off.

I don’t think a woman is less good in bed if she takes a long time to come. I am suspicious of a woman whose furnace you can set ablaze immediately, because sometimes she is faking, or is a nymphomaniac and then you can never hope to satisfy her. Some women are very silent in bed, but I think that the best women are always those who carry on an erotic conversation, a reportage of what they are doing while you are in bed.

That is important for the man who really considers himself a great lover, because the woman heightens his glorious self-image by reporting along the way. A woman can also create a good self-image for herself by thinking of herself as an assassin, a killer in bed, with the destruction of the man her ultimate goal.

I’ve never forced a woman to do anything in bed. Women always did what I wanted anyway—they were all good partners and wanted to please me. I am not talking about whores—they try to tire pimps out with fellatio (a blow job). They do it all the time, even in the car—and they swallow (it kills oral sex if a woman refuses to swallow).

Physical build doesn’t make a woman better in bed, just different. Thin women are more susceptible to choreography, more fluidity, but plump women also compete in their own way, with warmth and softness. Chemistry has a lot to do with how good a woman is in bed. It is produced when two psyches meet and their oils, their fluids, coalesce; that is what produces good sex.

Wendy Leigh 2
Wendy Leigh

Iceberg Slim’s Books

Last year (2010), the Cash Money crew brought the publishing and printing rights to Iceberg Slim’s books.

A Feminine Touch: Cheri Finesse

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BOTG: What do you think of the feminist movement

CF: It’s amazing. The thought that females and males are EQUAL? Revolutionary. People don’t realize it’s not about women trying to castrate men. It’s about women and even men standing up and saying that women ARE humans and should be treated as such.

BOTG: What do you think of the interaction between men and women today?

CF: It’s difficult. You have so much information and mis-information guiding the communication between the sexes, so instead of us being open and honest, we play games because that’s what the latest self help book says to do. Further complicating things is the fact that instead of the respect that was automatically given “back in the day” when talking to a female, I have to demand respect when a man wants to speak to me. THAT is sad.

BOTG: What qualities do you think it takes a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman?

CF: For a man, I think it’s all about handling your responsibilities at all times, no matter what. There is nothing more masculine to me than having your stuff together. For a woman, I think you have to have the ability to balance and prioritize more than ever. These days women have to be so much more than the nurturer, so in my opinion to be a WOMAN, you have to be able to wear many hats.

BOTG: What do you think are the roles of men and women in a relationship or marriage?

CF: I’m all for the dude staying at home and handling the house, and the woman being the “bread winner”. BUT Personally, I like my man to be the “head of the house” and provide for the family. I still want to bring home a check as well, but I need him to be the one handling business around there without me having to be “submissive”.

BOTG: Why do you think a lot of women (especially black women) are single?

CF: Because there’s a LOT of stuff we just refuse to put up with, and then when we DO put up with stuff, it’s the wrong stuff, for the wrong person, and we let ourselves become hurt by that. But a lot of us were raised to be independent, so if a dude doesn’t come to us correct, we tend to say f*** him, because we’ve learned we don’t NEED a man, as much as we may WANT one.

BOTG: Why are women so eager to get married? Would you say marriage changes anything?

CF: I think women are eager to get married for a couple of reasons. The first being that by nature (in my opinion, I’m no expert) women want to nurture and provide for a family. Which would require kids. As much as we see unmarried mothers, I think for the most part, we all ideally would like to be married before we have kids.

SO we want to get married to have that ideal family under the ideal circumstances. The second reason is relationships, and the state of things between men and women are so jacked up, marriage seems to be the only thing that is set in stone. It’s difficult to deny a marriage. Once you are in it, THAT’S official. I think a lot of us want that security of knowing that this person we love will be there forever.

That being said, I think women now a days are shying away more and more from getting married, at least not being married as early, thanks to college becoming the norm and careers being a must nowadays.

BOTG: If you had the power to change the interaction between men and women what would it be?

CF: I would make the sexes be more respectful towards each other, especially men to women. I feel like despite a woman’s occupation or preferred method of dress I should EXPECT to be approached like a human being. Men say “well, if you dress like….you get treated like…..” STOP being so simple minded. That’s a cop out to not have to respect a woman, and it’s perpetuated to the point people think that’s how it’s supposed to be.

BOTG: Give your definition of a nice guy.

CF: My definition of a nice guy is one who is respectful of all females, stripper, prostitute, housewife, or career woman.

BOTG: What do you think of a man that does anything you want?

CF: I think it has the potential to get annoying. And it has the potential to be dangerous if she isn’t a female like me who doesn’t ask for much.

BOTG:Is it good for a man to be nice? Continue reading